Return of Summer
by Wakkowarnerlover
Summary: Perry is asked to lead the O.W.C.A, but turns the job down to stay with his family. However, after an argument with Phineas, he decides to take the job after all. (NOTE: MANY THINGS MAY NOT MAKE SENSE WITHOUT READING THE OTHER STORIES IN MY SERIES)
1. Chapter 1

"IT'S SUMMMMEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Perry jumped. He had been sitting at the window waiting for the boys to come home. Apparently he must have missed the bus coming in front of the house, because Phineas had just materialized behind him.

"SUMMER! YEAH!" Phineas started dancing. Ferb silently danced next to him.

"Where did you two come from?" Perry asked, once he had gotten over his initial shock.

"We used our new teleporting devices we built in science class." Phineas said. "The teacher said we could do whatever we wanted because it was the last day, so Ferb and I built these."

"Buford chugged three sodas and Irving danced on the teacher's desk." Ferb added.

"Yeah. Maybe the teacher should have put down some rules." Phineas said. "But now it's SUMMER! My favorite season!"

"And you're home all day!" Perry said.

"And you're not." Phineas said sadly.

"I have an excuse." Perry held up his paw. "Can't fight until it's fully healed."

"Yay!" Phineas said. "I mean, I'm not happy Dennis broke your arm, but I'm happy you get to stay home."

"Guess what, boys?" Linda said, coming into the living room, holding a cake. "I made a cake for you two! Happy summer!"

Perry took a flying leap and landed in the cake. Happily, he started eating it.

Phineas and Ferb burst into laughter.

"Oh, Perry." Linda grumbled. "All right. I'll go back to the store and get another cake."

Linda set the cake down on the floor. Perry rolled in it, pleased with the way the frosting felt on his back.

Isabella, Baljeet, and Buford came in through the door. Baljeet looked sad.

"School is over." He said sadly.

"But it's summer!" Phineas said.

"Phineas, I made Perry a collar in art class." Isabella said, blushing as she handed it to him.

"Aww, that's so sweet of you, Isabella." Phineas said. "I'll put it on him when he's clean again. Look, Perry."

Perry glanced briefly at it. It was basically a silver chain with neon rainbow beads dangling from it.

He continued to roll in the cake.

"He gets really excited about cake." Phineas said apologetically. "But mom's getting us another one for our beginning-of-summer party!"

"Cool." Buford said. "That one doesn't have a platypus in it too, though, right?"

Phineas laughed. "Nope."

* * *

A few minutes later, after giving Perry a bath, Phineas and Ferb sat on the couch with popcorn between the two of them. Isabella, Baljeet and Buford sat on the floor.

Phineas put the collar from Isabella around Perry's neck.

Perry bit it and tried to fling it off.

"Hm." Isabella said. "Maybe he doesn't like it."

"Oh, no. He likes it. He's just playing with it." Phineas said.

Perry succeeded in removing the collar and launched it across the room. It landed on the floor.

Ferb picked it up and handed it back to Phineas, who put it on again.

Perry flung it across the room again.

"Perry, what are you doing?" Phineas asked.

"I am rejecting the collar." Perry explained.

Phineas put the collar back on his pet. "Wear it. It looks cute."

Perry could tell that Phineas was silently trying to emphasize the "Wear it" bit. He sulked.

"Aww, it does look cute." Isabella said.

"The collar has still been rejected." Perry informed Phineas.

"You never told us what happened to his leg." Buford said. "Did he break it in a fight or something?"

"No, he fell down the stairs." Phineas said, stroking Perry's back. "But he'll be okay. Guys, think of all the cool stuff we're gonna do this summer!"

Perry started to doze off in Phineas's lap.

A buzz went off in his pocket.

"Phineas, Perry's vibrating." Isabella said.

"Maybe he's hungry." Buford said.

"It sounds like a cellular phone to me." Baljeet said.

"Perry wouldn't have a cell phone." Isabella said.

Phineas and Ferb exchanged glances.

Perry crawled under the couch, looked at his phone, and climbed back up into Ferb's lap.

"Pops." He explained to both boys. "I can answer it later."

Ferb cuddled him. "Chubby wubby platypus."

"I am NOT chubby."

Ferb grinned.

* * *

"How did he manage to drill a hole in the ceiling?" Perry asked.

"I have no idea."

He and Poppy stared up at the hole that formerly served as the ceiling as well as floor for Palmer's room.

Peppily was peering down at them through the hole.

He drooled. Perry stepped out of the way to avoid the spit.

"So. How should I fix it?"

"You called me to come down here just so you could ask me how to fix it? Just call a repairman!"

"Wook, Paiswey, a hole." Peppily said, crawling out of sight.

"A hole?"

"In Pawmew's fwoor."

"Oooohhh. It's pwetty."

"Holes awe not pwetty. You can't even see them."

"Wook, I have a bow-wing bawl."

"They're so active." Poppy muttered.

"That's an understatement." Perry said.

"GEWONIMOOO!" Cried a tiny voice.

CRACK!

A bowling ball rolled through the hole and crashed to the floor, cracking the tile.

Poppy sighed.

"How do you live with this again?" Perry asked.

"Take them, please." Poppy said. "Just for the afternoon. I need a break."

"So that's what this was about." Perry said.

"SUPEW PEPPIWY! TO DA RESCUELIE!"

Peppily jumped through the hole in the ceiling, wearing a bedsheet. Poppy screamed and jumped to catch him.

They fell on the floor, Peppily on top of his mother.

He giggled. "Mommily went EEEEE like a monkily."

"All right, Pep. You're coming home with me." Perry said. "For a little bit."

"Me?" Peppily asked.

"Yep. And Paisley, and Pamela, and Palmer."

"Who awe you again?" Peppily asked.

Perry frowned.

"He's your father, Peppily." Poppy said. "Don't you remember him?"

"Oh. Wight."

* * *

"FOR DANVILLE!"

Palmer and Pamela raced toward each other with giant wooden poles.

"Hey!" Perry grabbed their poles just as the two platypuses were about to collide. "Stop it!"

"But we must fight war." Pamela said.

"Besides, this is what humans do when they're mad at each other." Palmer added.

"Sure! Fifty centuries ag- PAISLEY! Get out of there!"

Paisley was digging around in a garbage can. Peppily was repeatedly hitting his twin brother's butt with a stick. Paisley didn't seem to notice.

"PAISLEY!"

"I'm not Paiswey, I'm Peppiwy." Came the muffled response. "And I'm stuckily."

"WIAR!" Peppily retorted, still hitting Paisley in the butt. "He's twying to get me in twouble by saying he's me!"

"Peppily, put down that stick. NOW."

"I'm not Peppiwy, I'm Paiswey." Peppily said quietly, but he obeyed.

"FOR DANVILLE!" Palmer and Pamela shouted again from the other side of the backyard.

"Great." Perry muttered. He heard a crash.

He grabbed Paisley's legs and tried to pull him out of the garbage can. "Kid, here's a tip. If you let go of the trash can, I can pull you out."

"NO!" Paisley said. "Because I am pwetending you awe a monster! And you can't get me!"

"Paisley. Let go."

"Okay." Paisley let go, and Perry pulled him out.

Paisley giggled and licked his cheek. "Daddy." He said fondly.

Perry felt a little glow when he heard that word.

"Ow." Pamela and Palmer moaned.

"What did I tell you two?" Perry scolded. "OW!"

Something had slapped him in the rear. He turned around and glared at Peppily.

"Sowwie." Peppily said innocently. He put down his stick and beamed at Perry.

"Let's play the silent game." Perry suggested.


	2. Chapter 2

Perry relaxed in the hot water, trying not to accidentally fall asleep.

It had been an exhausting afternoon. Not only had Palmer glued a plastic cow to the toilet, but Pamela had somehow gotten into the laundry room and dumped two full bottles of detergent down the sink. Then the twins had turned the water on full-force and filled the kitchen with bubbles.

The instant Poppy came to pick up her pups, Perry drove himself down to the O.W.C.A resort and spa. Technically, he wasn't supposed to be there. It was reserved for agents who didn't have homes and agents with special privileges. But Perry was friends with Sven the seagull, who worked at the front desk. Sven had given him his own private room in the resort without Monogram's knowledge.

Perry was grateful for it. Soaking in a hot tub really helped him de-stress.

His phone rang across the room. Too lazy to get up, dry off and answer it, Perry only sank himself deeper into the water.

The answering machine picked up. "Hey, Perry. It's Phineas. Where are you?"

Perry jumped out of the hot tub and grabbed his phone. "Right here. Hey."

"Where's here?"

"I'm at the agency's resort. Sorry. I forgot to call."

"Why are you there?"

"Had to watch my kids this morning. It really took a lot out of me."

"Oh. Are you coming home soon?"

"Tonight. Just let me dry off. By the way, if you ever get a chance to install a hot tub in the bathroom, do it."

"Good idea! Ferb and I will draw up some plans. So you've been soaking all afternoon?"

"Pretty much. Also had a massage. Oh, and did I tell you? The beds here are REALLY soft. They're like sleeping on marshmallows. Without the stickyness."

"Ferb and I are gonna stay up all night watching Space Adventure movies. And we have marshmallows!"

"Aw, fun! You two won't be terribly offended if I come home a little late tonight, right? I need a nap. And like I said, the beds here…"

"No, we won't. Have fun!"

* * *

"Oh, Geraldine… I've always loved you!"

"You never did, Marcus. Anyway, I hate you."  
"Say it isn't so, Geraldine! Say it isn't SO! Oh, I hate you!"

Perry grabbed another tissue from the bedside table and blew his nose. He loved soap operas. But they always made him cry.

"I hate your LOVE, Marcus!"

"Geraldine! I love you! Why do you hate me?"

"Marcus, I love you so much. I can't explain… maybe we shouldn't be together."

"But Geraldine…"

Perry burst into tears.

His phone rang. He picked it up and paused his show.

"Hello?" He wiped his eyes.

"Perry, have you been crying?" Pinky the Chihuahua asked.

"No." Perry lied.

"You sound like you've been crying."

"Why did you call?"

"Just wanted to see how you were doing. Does your arm feel any better?"  
"Yeah. I don't even need the cast anymore, actually. I hope Monogram takes it off soon."

"Huh. Well, anyway, I'm having this party-"

"Next subject."

"…and it's at this hotel. It really won't be the same without you."

"Pinky, I hate parties."

"I know. But it's better than sitting around watching soap operas all night."

"I enjoy soap operas." Perry grumbled.

"Let me know when you can come back into work." Pinky said. "We all really miss you."

"Oh, I can. I just choose not to. My arm's not that bad, really. Gotta go. I'm in the middle of my show."

* * *

"Attach the red wire to the green wire." Perry chattered.

"You know, I'm glad you're helping me fix my dishwasher." Doofenshmirtz said. "I haven't seen you in a while. It's been kind of… well, not lonely. Because why would I be lonely for someone I can't stand? But… it's been kind of SOMETHING."

"Red wire, green wire." Perry said.

Doofenshmirtz plugged the red wire into the blue wire. "I heard about your arm. A bunny twisted it or something. How on earth did you get beat up by a bunny?"  
Perry jammed his translatorinator into his mouth. "ATTACH THE STUPID RED WIRE TO THE GREEN WIRE."

"Oh! THAT'S why it wasn't working." Doofenshmirtz reattached the wires. "You know, you should use that translator more often. You have a nice voice."

"It's the same voice. It's just speakin' English." Perry tightened a pipe and jumped back. "Ow!"

"What?" Doofenshmirtz asked.

Perry made sad eyes. "I got a boo-boo on my finger."

Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes. "Well, get over it and get the machine running again."

"I can't. I have a boo-boo. It won't feel better unless someone kisses it. Kisses make boo-boos better."

"I'm not kissing your stupid boo-boo, Perry the platypus."

"You hurt my boo-boo's feelings."

"Scratch what I said earlier about you wearing the translator. I think it's better when I do all the talking."

"Would you just kiss it?"

Doofenshmirtz kissed the boo-boo.

"Ew." Perry mumbled. "You got your saliva on me. Now I have to go sanitize my finger."

"You told me to kiss it!"

"So just detach the self-destruct button and your washer should work." Perry said. He took the translatorinator out and stuck it in his pocket.

* * *

Perry made a mad dash for the refrigerator and changed his course at the last second, his claws making scrambling noises against the tile.

"Mom!" Candace shouted. "Perry's going crazy!"

Perry ran for the living room.

"It's the rain." Linda called back to her daughter.

"Yeah." Phineas said, sitting on the sofa. "Rain makes animals go berserk. They sense the air pressure."

Perry jumped onto the couch and over Phineas. He tore up the stairs.

"Phineas, I told you to trim Perry's claws." Linda said. "The carpet has scratch marks."

"I'll do it later." Phineas said.

Perry burst through the door of Lawrence's study and ran in circles around Lawrence's chair.

"Oh, hello, Perry." Lawrence said, not looking up from his painting.

Ferb grabbed Perry from behind. Perry struggled to get away.

"It's coming!" Perry said.

"It's just rain." Ferb said. He carried Perry downstairs.

"Hey Ferb!" Phineas called. "Let's make milkshakes!"

* * *

Ferb rolled around on the floor, laughing hysterically. Phineas jumped on the couch. Perry jumped with him.

Candace entered the room. "What the… how many milkshakes did you guys drink?"

"Six each!" Phineas collapsed in a fit of giggles.

"No!" Ferb laughed. "I had… eight! Ha ha ha!"

"Ugh. Get your sugar rush away from me." Candace growled. She went upstairs.

"Hey Ferb, isn't it funny how 'sugar' is spelled S-U-G-A-R and not S-H-U-G-A-R?"

"Shugar." Ferb said.

Perry cracked up. "Shmugar."  
"Shooger."

"Shuggar."

"Sugary sugar." Phineas said.

And then it was quiet.

Perry put his hands together so that they looked like a butterfly. He gently made the wings flap.

Phineas and Ferb watched him.

"Once upon a time, there was a flittering eagle." Perry said quietly. "And one day, the eagle lifted its head up… and it FLEW! And its head came off!"

All three of them burst into laughter.

* * *

"You're back!" Darren the duck shouted.

"Chill. I'm getting one of my notebooks." Perry searched his drawer. "I'll start working again when my arm's completely healed."

"Aw." Darren said. He started looking through the drawer as well. "What notebook?"

"The one I use for sketching."

"Why is there a pair of neon boxers in here?" Darren asked.

Perry grabbed them and jammed them in his pocket. "Those are private."

"Okay. And what about this cheesy romance tape?"

"I can find my notebook myself. You don't have to go snooping through my stuff." Perry snapped.

"Agent P?"  
Perry and Darren looked behind them. Ernest the eagle was standing in the doorway, casting a rather large shadow.

Perry remembered the Flittering Eagle from the day before and allowed himself a little smile. "Yeah, Ernest?"

"Agent E." Ernest reminded him with a glare. "And are you forgetting your manners after being away from work for so long?"

Perry saluted him.

"That's better. Agent P, I need to have a word with you alone. Agent D, please leave the room."  
Darren left, and Ernest closed the door. He stared Perry down. "Sit."

Perry sat in his chair.

"I'm sure you know of the head of the agency."

"And his head came off!" Perry said under his breath.

Ernest scowled.

"Sorry. Yes, I know the head. General Autograph. And his dog, Grover."

"Assistant General Grover." Ernest corrected. "General Autograph, as you may know, won't be around forever."

"I know. We're all gonna croak one day." Perry said.

Ernest closed his eyes. "Agent P."  
"I mean… I am aware. We will all pass on eventually." Perry tried not to laugh.

"General Autograph not only created the agency, he has complete power. He decides where the animals are assigned, what food is served during lunch-"

"So he's responsible for taking away the Mexican food station."

"May I finish a sentence without being interrupted? He also decides how the agency is run, what animals can or cannot be recruited and manages training and how everyone will be paid. It is a huge responsibility and job." Ernest gave Perry a stern look. "He wants to pass his job on to an animal when he retires, one who is committed to the agency and who will be able to handle the responsibility. Monogram suggested, and the General chose, you."  
Perry blinked. "What? …Oh, this is a joke, right?"  
"Would I joke around?"  
"Good point. Wow… why me?"

"You are the best agent in your field, and you are responsible. Monogram feels you will be able to hold the job down."

"…I…"  
"It's not something to turn down or accept right away." Ernest said. "Think about it. You will have complete control over the agency. You will also be able to keep your host family, as Monogram knows how important that is to you. However, it may not be easy to visit them very often. And the job WILL be difficult. But this is an opportunity that will only come once." Ernest stiffened. "Frankly, I don't REALLY know why you are the one getting it."

"Wow. Um… I'm… honored… but…"

"Think about it." Ernest said again. "We aren't expecting you to decide immediately. Monogram will ask you later in the week." He turned and strode out of the room.

Perry felt a little dizzy. He slumped down in his chair.


	3. Chapter 3

"You're CRAZY if you don't take it!" Pinky said.

Perry ignored him and kept walking.

Pinky had to speed up a little to catch up. "Think of it! You'll be in charge of everything. And you'll never have to worry about money! You'll have plenty! You'll get General Autograph's mansion, too. A mansion! I would have said yes right then and there!"

"It's not all glitter and kittens. I'd have to work my butt off."

"But it wouldn't be fighting! It'd be deciding everything for the agency! Wow. You'd be the boss of Monogram. You'd be the boss of all the security agents! They'll be bowing down to you!"

"Hope Ernest's head doesn't fall off if he does that."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. I know it's a huge honor. But…"  
"But what? Why is there even a but?"

"…I wouldn't be able to have time to be home. I would rarely see the boys, rarely see any of YOU, I'd never fight Doofenshmirtz again…"

"But Perry, don't you want to? I mean, you've been given this chance to rule a whole organization!"

"I know. But I don't. I've always been happy with my job and my home. Why should I abandon it all?"

"Well… I think you should at least think about it."

"I have been thinking about it. I don't want to take the job."

Pinky shrugged. "Well, we'll see you more often, then."

Perry smiled. "Yep."

* * *

"I'm glad you aren't gonna take the job." Phineas said, tossing an electronic ball to Ferb. "We'd be sad if you were gone all the time!"

"I figured." Perry said. "And I'd miss you. I still can't believe that out of all the agents, the General picked me…"

"You are one of a kind." Ferb said. He tossed the ball back to Phineas.

"Well, maybe. But there are hundreds of agents. It's a great honor, but it's not my thing. I like fighting and coming home to a loving family. By the way, you said you would trim my claws. And you haven't yet. They're getting split."

"Can't you trim them yourself?"

"Yeah, but I don't do a very good job. I can't ever get them even. I guess I could get Sideblow to do them. But Gustav usually hangs around him, and I don't really like being insulted."

"Who're they?" Ferb asked.

"The agency's groomers. Gustav's a grump. Can you just trim them? You don't even have to file them down."

"Later." Phineas said.

"Carpe diem." Perry muttered. He scratched a mosquito bite with his back foot.

"Daddy." Came a small voice from under the couch.

Perry nearly fell over. He looked under the couch.

Paisley looked back at him.

"Pay, what are you doing here?"

"Thewe is a stwangerly in my house and I am scaweded. So I comed in to the doow fow animalies. And I hide, like dis." Paisley crawled out from under the couch and then crawled back in.

"Awwwww!" Phineas said. "He's so cute! Like a mini-Perry!"

"There's a stranger in your house?" Perry asked.

"Yes."

"Were you alone?"

"No. Pawmew and Peppiwy and Pamewa and Mommily were thewe. And the stwanger."

"Is he… like, a robber?"

Paisley looked confused. "I don't know what dat word means."

"Okay. Come on." Perry took his hand and dragged him out from under the couch.

* * *

Perry knocked on the front door and waited.

Paisley chewed a flower that was planted in front of the door.

The door opened, and Palmer stared at Perry. "What are you doing here?"

"Bringing back your brother."

"Huh." Palmer said. He turned and called to his mother. "MOOOMMMYYY! DAD FOUND PAISLEY!"

"Don't make them stand in the doorway!" Poppy called back.

"Oh. Come in." Palmer said. He wandered off.

Perry and Paisley went inside. Poppy came to greet them.

"Paisley, why did you run off?" Poppy asked.

"Thewe was a stwangerly in the house." Paisley said.

"But honey, you know Pluto. I introduced him to you two days ago."  
"Oh. Wight." Paisley said. "I forgotted."

"So you met Mickey's dog?" Perry asked him.

Poppy glared at Perry. "Don't make fun of his name."

A skinny platypus approached them. He gave Paisley a fond look. "Peppy, what were you doing? Your mom was about to have a freakout."

"I'm Paiswey." Paisley said. "And I forgotted your name too."  
"Dang. I always get you two mixed up. Sorry. It'll take me some time to be able to tell you apart."

"The other one's named Peppily, by the way." Perry said. "Not Peppy."

"Oh, I know." The platypus said. "It's just a nickname. I don't believe we've ever met, by the way." He held out his hand. "I'm Pluto."

Perry shook it. "Sorry you're not a planet anymore, dude."

He laughed. "Yeah, I usually go by Toto."

"Either way, you're a dog."  
Toto smiled. "And you are?"

"Perry. Not short for anything."  
"So you're the father." Toto said. "I was hoping to meet you one day."

Perry looked at Poppy, who was looking intently at the floor. "Uh… he's my boyfriend." She said quietly. "And he's helping out with the kids and stuff. I forgot to tell you."

Perry let this process for a moment. He didn't really know what to say.

"He's doing it willingly?" Perry asked. He turned back to Toto. "Seriously, though, she's not paying you? Have you seen these guys in action?"

"Please." Toto said, grinning. "Last night one of them stuck a chainsaw in the clothes washer. And I've seen the rock oven."

"Brave guy." Perry commented, feeling a little annoyed with the chainsaw story.

"They're great kids." Toto said.

"Let's just hope none of them grow up to be a serial killer." Perry joked.

Paisley poked him. "What's dat? Cause I eated ceweal dis mowning."

Perry laughed.

"We should go out to a movie or something." Toto said. "Get to know each other more. I mean, I don't just want to barge in uninvited."

"...Sure. No movies with Kendrine Adems, though. I can't stand her."

"There's one playing downtown in an hour."

"Kendrine Adems movie?"

"No, no. Another movie. Hoho and Joan."  
"Cool. I'll go. But I have to head home first and tell my owners."

"Sure." Toto said. "See ya then."

"Don't run off again." Perry told Paisley.

"But thewe's a stwanger in my howse. And he showd have weft by now."

"Paisley, Toto's living with us." Poppy said.

"Oh. Okay. Is he my bwother?"

Toto smiled. "Sure. Why not?"

* * *

"That was an interesting movie." Perry said as they left. "But I don't quite understand why Hoho fell off a cliff. I mean, his girlfriend was already dead. How could he attend her funeral if he was dead?"

"He could become a ghost." Toto suggested.

"And stalk her. I like it. Woah, as a ghost… imagine how many lines he'd be able to cut."

"He could cut the lines for the bathroom."

"Or an amusement park."

"Or…" Toto's eyes widened. "He might have cut the very line we waited in… to get into the theater."

They looked at each other.

"I did feel a chill." Perry said.

"And I heard someone say 'I'm cutting infront of you.'"

"Oh no. We were cut in line by Hoho the ghost!"

"How humiliating!"

"I bet he's laughing about it with his ghost friends right now, this very minute." Perry said.

They came to Poppy's house.

"See ya later." Toto said.

"Bye." Perry said.

He started to walk away, and then stopped. "Uh… Toto?"

"Yeah?"

"I know Pops has you to help…" Perry said. "But tell her… if she ever needs… any extra help with the kids… to call me."

Toto smiled. "I will."

"Thanks." Perry started home.

* * *

Perry curled up in his pet bed. It hadn't been such a good day. However, his cast had finally been removed that morning, which was good.

Unfortunately, his comrades had all gotten together and bombarded him with reasons to take the General's job. Perry had defended his decision to the end, but when he couldn't defend it any more, he ran from them.

"You're back!" Phineas said. "You missed the biggest project EVER!"

"We built another planet." Ferb said. "And named it Phineas Planet."

"Where did you put it?"

"In between Uranus and Neptune." Ferb said.

"But then it spontaneously combusted." Phineas said. "We don't really know what happened."

"Maybe Hoho the ghost blew it up." Perry said.

"You're a great friend!" Said a voice.

Perry looked from Phineas to Ferb. "You… didn't…"

"Um…" Phineas coughed. "We bought a waterproof Carlos doll for Blubbles. She needed a toy, and that was the only one they had…"

Perry went and looked at the fishbowl. Blubbles was floating merrily around. A miniature Carlos doll stood in the middle of the bowl.

Blubbles swam into the Carlos doll.

"Caring and sharing are fun! Run into my eye if you want me to sing a song!"

Perry growled.

Blubbles rammed into Carlos's eye.

Carlos began singing to the tune of the Toreador song from Carmen.

"OH, Caring and sharing are so very fun, caring is nice, caring is fun! SHARE, with every every every one, sharing is oh so fun!"

"At least he sings to good musical tunes." Ferb said.

"I HATE CARLOS!" Perry shouted.

"Okay." Phineas said. "Don't throw a tantrum over it."

"I'm sorry." Perry started choking up tears. "I've… just had a bad day."

"Aw." Phineas and Ferb ran over to him and started petting him.

"What happened?" Phineas asked.

"I just… it's that stupid job. Everyone wants me to take it. Just because it's an amazing opportunity doesn't mean I'm gonna want to do it! I love my life. I love my home, I love my work, I love my family… I don't have to have a lot of power and money to be happy!"

"Of course not." Phineas said.

"Why don't you just tell the guy in charge that you don't want the job?" Ferb asked. "Then they'll have to stop bugging you."

"I love you guys." Perry sobbed, hugging them.

"We love you too." Phineas said.

"You don't have to be in charge to do great things." Ferb said.

Perry nodded.

He wished everyone else at the agency knew that.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hello, this is Avery the Anteater, calling to see why you aren't at work this morning."

"I have a headache."

"Is it a migraine?"

"How would I know? I didn't know there were different types of headaches. Why categorize them? They're all in your head and they all hurt." Perry used the hand that wasn't holding his cell phone to adjust his ice pack.

"Any nausea?"

"Yeah. Maybe it would help if I wasn't holding a little device that spits noise directly into my ear."

Avery didn't sound amused. "If you are still in a condition to work, you need to come in."

"I'm sure Monogram would love me to come in and hurl on all the clean floors as I drag myself into my lair. No, I can't come in to work today because I'm sick. I have a headache, and I have no idea what species of headache it is. Understand?"

"Thank you. I will notify the major."

Perry hung up. He pressed the ice pack firmly against his head.

Phineas hopped into the room. "Hey, Perry! It's a new holiday that Ferb and I invented! Jumping day! Jump everywhere you go!"

Perry gave a grunt of acknowledgement.

"Aww. You okay?"

"Headache."

"Stress headache or real headache?" Phineas asked as he jumped.

"Again with the headache types! Am I the only organism on this planet that hasn't yet learned about the different kinds of headaches?"

"Perhaps." Said Ferb, bouncing down the stairs.

"You guys are making me dizzy." Perry rolled over so he wouldn't have to watch the boys bounce.

"Ferb, where'd you get that bruise on your head?" Phineas asked.

"I went to the park with Buford and Isabella." Ferb said. "There was this swing there and some person attached the swing too close to the bar that held the swing up and so when I swung my head hit the bar before I even got to swing high."

"Ouch." Phineas said. "Wait… you and Buford and Isabella went to the park without me?"

"You were at Baljeet's house. I was bored."

"You guys could have called us."

"Can you two ponder what could have happened somewhere else?" Perry moaned. "My head is killing me."

"You're a good faker, Perry." Phineas said. "But we know you too well."

Perry smiled and took the ice pack off of his head. "Ah well. You weren't the ones I was most concerned about fooling anyway."

* * *

Phineas shook Perry awake.

It took Perry a moment to figure out where he was.

"Perry! You're hogging the whole bed." Phineas said. "I can hardly stay on."  
"Oh." Perry yawned. "Sorry. I was having a nightmare." He moved so that he wasn't spread out across the whole bed.

"About turning into a starfish?" Phineas asked.

"About being stretched. It was really freaky." Perry said.

"Stretched?"

"You know those creepy medieval torture devices where they stretch your arms and legs apart until everything dislocates? That kind of stretching."

"Aww. Well, it was just a bad dream." Phineas patted him.

"It felt so real."

"That's because you were spreading your arms and legs all the way across the bed!"

"Sorry."

"That's okay. When Ferb and I were little, we shared a bed and he dreamed he was playing soccer. He kicked me off the edge of the bed."

"Ouch."  
"Oh, yeah?" Ferb said drowsily. "Remember the time you dreamed you were eating a sandwich, and you were really biting my arm?"

"I said I was sorry!"

"That's okay. You didn't hurt me as much as the evil swing did today."

"And you didn't hurt me as much as the evil vending machine did a long time ago."

"Doofenshmirtz was right." Perry muttered. He curled up into a comfortable position, but he was still afraid to go to sleep.

"Don't be scared, Perry." Ferb said, his voice muffled by his pillow. "No more starfishes teaching stretching techniques are gonna crawl into your dreams."

"…Was he asleep while he listened to us?" Perry asked.

Phineas shrugged. "He's right though, Perry. Go back to sleep. You'll be fine."

Perry cuddled up next to him and closed his eyes.

* * *

Perry didn't normally go to the O.W.C.A fundraisers, but Pinky had forced him to attend the Summer Festival.

"Money for the agency, and you'll have fun." Pinky said.

"Great." Perry mumbled.

They dodged animals in the crowd. Perry got caught in a handful of balloons that were just about to carry a baby narwhal into the air.

"Blobbity!" Giggled Ned the narwhal.

"Thanks for stopping him, Agent P." Carl said, untangling Perry from the balloons and picking up baby Ned.

"Only five dollars!" Shouted Manfred Freeny, a mink. He was standing on a chair to make himself taller among the crowd. It wasn't really working. "Five dollars to see me do any kind of dance you want!"

"He'd do that for free any day of the week." Perry said.

"Just not today." Pinky agreed. "Oh, cool! A fortune-telling booth."

"Please. No. I already see enough of the future in my dreams. And last night's dream wasn't a very reassuring picture."

"What was it of?"

"…A starfish."

"Come on." Pinky dragged him into the booth.

Doris the wolf was sitting in front of a crystal ball. She looked up at them from under a dark hood.

"Hey, Doris." Pinky said.

"Hey." Doris mumbled. She pulled out a deck of cards. "A dollar per animal."

Pinky put two dollars down on the table.

Doris shoved her crystal ball out of the way. It crashed to the floor.

"Uh…" Pinky said.

"Don't need it." Doris said neutrally. "It was a dumb prop they gave me. Pick a card. Don't tell me what it is when you get it."

Pinky pulled out a card and looked at it.

"Don't put it back in the deck." Doris shuffled the cards, pulled out a random one, and studied it. Then she put it down on the table. "You made a lot of bets lately? Danger. You gotta stop doing that. According to the cards, you're going to win something soon. And you will find love."

"Really?"

Doris gave him a skeptical look. "The cards say you haven't found love yet because you focus too much on the lives of others."

"That's fascinating." Perry snorted. "Can the cards tell him what he's gonna have for lunch?"

"The cards say he's already had lunch." Doris said.

The rest of the predictions weren't very interesting. Doris made most of them while looking at the crystal shards on the floor.

"You." Doris said after she told Pinky he was done.

"I don't think I need to hear what the cards have to say, but thanks." Perry said.

"No cards. Sit."  
Perry sat, and Doris grabbed his paw. She began tracing his palm.

"So, you're a smart one." She said.

"He always was very smart." Pinky commented.

"Yes, but that's not the smart I was talking about. Smartmouth. Likes to tease people, but hates being teased himself. That gets him into trouble. Independent, but loyal. Very respectful to authority, although he is currently lying to it."

Perry felt his face get hot. "Tell me something I don't already know about myself."

Doris thought. "I see… black? Green? No… it's some kind of food item… a… bread? Tuna?"

"Sandwich?" Perry suggested.

"Yes. A sandwich. Hang on to it, the crystal shards say. It will save your life later on."

"Steve?" Pinky said. "Oh boy."

"Be careful." Doris said. "Remember to make your own decisions… you have not found true love yet, and it's not clear if you will."

"That it?"

"Yes. No!" Doris picked up a shard and held it close to her face. "The shards say… watch your back."

"I don't really have a security camera hooked up to it. Should I buy one?"

"The shards have no idea what the heck you are talking about." Doris said. "Thank you. Enjoy your day."

"Enjoy your day." Perry repeated as they left. "Be careful, watch your back, and enjoy your day."

"You gotta admit, that was pretty cool." Pinky said.

"I had no idea Doris could speak to shards and cards." Perry said. "I got more information from my future self when he came to visit. And he was senile!"

"You mean YOU were senile."

"I hate thinking about that." Perry said. "Getting so old I hardly remember my own experiences."

"You're still young." Pinky said.

"True. OW!"

Perry whirled around. Baby Ned had accidentally thrown a basketball at him, and it had whacked him in the back.

"Oopsiewoo!" Ned said.

Pinky burst into laughter.

"What, my suffering is funny now?" Perry demanded.

"Doris said… to watch your back!" Pinky gasped. "Ha!"

Perry rolled his eyes. "Right. Thanks, magical shards."

* * *

"Thanks for finally doing this. I was afraid they were going to split."

"You're welcome. Hold still, though. It's hard to trim your claws when you squirm."

"Then stop tickling me." Perry jerked his foot away.

Phineas held on to it again. "I'm trying not to. Ferb, I thought it was your turn to do this."

Ferb shook his head. "I did it last time."

"He did a good job, too." Perry said. "He varnished them and everything. And he didn't leave the ends all uneven."

"You asked me to do this." Phineas reminded him.

"Aww, are you jealous because Ferb's a better claw-trimmer than you?" Perry teased. "Don't worry, Phinny. If you try really hard, maybe one day you'll almost be as good as he is."

"If Ferb gets the varnish bottle from Candace's room, I'll give your claws a coat."

Ferb got up and went upstairs.

"You're fidgeting again."

"You're tickling me again."

Ferb came back downstairs with a bottle. "Want me to put it on?"

"I can do it." Phineas insisted. He finished the last claw and unscrewed the bottle.

"Keep that bottle as far away from me as possible." Perry said. "I hate the smell."

"Complainey complainey complain." Ferb said, holding his nose.

Phineas carefully applied the varnish to the claws on Perry's hand. "Do you ever actually use your claws?"

"Sometimes. Not right after I've had a manicure, though. They're useless until they grow pointy again."

"We should build something after I finish his foot manicure." Phineas said.

"There's no such thing as a foot manicure." Perry said. "It's pedicure. Like Italian. Mani means hands. Piedi means feet."

Ferb started laughing. "Foot manicure!"

Phineas turned red. "Okay, dude, whatever!"

"Foot." Ferb said. "Mani means foot in Phineasland."


	5. Chapter 5

"Set that down right around there." Gustav said.

Sideblow put down a large vase of flowers in the middle of the O.W.C.A dining room.

"Actually, a little more to the right." Gustav said. "It's not centered."

"I can't believe Agent C and Agent F are getting married." Perry said. He and Pinky and Devon were watching Sideblow struggle with the flowers.

"Are you going to the wedding?" Devon asked.

"Wasn't invited." Perry said. "I don't know Agent C too well. Ferdinand and I have acknowledged each other's existence, but it's not like we're inseparable best friends."

"We're groomers, not equipment movers." Gustav suddenly said. "What are we even doing here?"

"Is the vase straight?" Sideblow panted.

Gustav eyed it critically. "Hm. Close enough. No one will notice."

"Of course no one will notice." Sideblow said under his breath. "It's a vase."

Gustav wiped his brow. "Whew. What a workout. Well, this place finally looks fabulous for a wedding. Good teamwork, Samuel."

Sideblow smiled.

"Teamwork?" Perry snickered. "Sideblow did practically all of it while Mr. Perfectionist belted orders!"

"Gustav's not so bad." Devon said.

Perry stared at him.

"Hey, pumpkin!" Sideblow called to Perry. "I heard you were nominated for General. That's big."

"That thing?" Gustav demanded.

Perry shrugged it off.

"You'd be a great General." Sideblow said. "Couldn't have picked a better agent. Whether you choose to do it or not, I'm super impressed."

"They certainly didn't pick him for his looks." Gustav sniffed.

"Of course not, Gustav. They picked him for his credibility." Sideblow said matter-of-factly.

Gustav reddened.

* * *

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

"FINER THAN FINE!"

"FINER THAN THE FINEST FINE!"

"FINER THAN ALL THE FINES COMBINED!"

"FINER THAN THAT!"

"FINER THAN THAT!"

Perry covered his ears.

"Boys!" Linda called. "Stop shouting!"

Ferb stormed downstairs. He plunked himself down in a kitchen chair and sulked.

"Ferb, honey, what happened?" Linda asked.

"Phineas wouldn't accept that I'm right." Ferb muttered.

"You AREN'T right!" Phineas shouted from upstairs.

"WHO ASKED YOU?" Ferb yelled.

"Boys!" Linda scolded.

Both boys stopped.

Perry climbed upstairs and padded into Phineas and Ferb's room.

"Hey, Phinny." He said.

Phineas was lying facedown on his bed. "Go away."

"What was that all about?"

"Ferb's mean."

"Come on. You two are best friends. You NEVER fight. Unless… oh no. Did you guys get into a fight over the fish again?"

"Her name is BLUBBLES!" Phineas snapped. "And no matter how many times I tell him, he ALWAYS leaves out the L!"

"Maybe you guys can take turns. One week the fish is named Blubbles, and the next week, Bubbles."

"Bubbles is a stupid name." Phineas said.

Perry decided it wouldn't be wise to tell Phineas that Blubbles was one letter away from Bubbles.

"Every fish is named Bubbles or something like that. I wanted our fish to be unique. And since she was chubby, I thought Blubbles was a good name."

"It is a good name." Perry said. "It's a great name."

"I never got to name a pet ever." Phineas said tearfully. "Candace named Bucky, Ferb named Goldie, and when we got you Ferb and I named you Bartholemew. But then Ferb thought of the name Perry. Well, I like that name, but I still wish I thought of it."

"Would you rather call me Plerry?"

Phineas threw a pillow at him.

"Sorry. It was a joke. I understand, Phinny. Have you tried talking to Ferb?"

"Have YOU ever talked to Ferb? It's like talking to a wall! He just stands there and stares at me like he understands, and then he turns right around and calls our fish Bubbles!"

"You guys are awesome." Perry said. "Best friends. I hate to see you two get all worked up over one thing. Don't be angry with Ferb. Just ignore him if he calls the fish Bubbles."

"You always take his side!"

"I've never taken sides in my life!" Perry said, shocked. "I always give you two equal turns with me. I play with both of you. I switch beds at night so you two both get to sleep with me."

"Well, your stupid job's more important to you than both of us."

"Wait a minute!"

"You're gone all the time and you don't care that we worry about you! You could blow up into a million pieces and you wouldn't think for a second about us missing you-"

"Well, it IS hard to think when you've just exploded."

"Why do you think everything's funny?" Phineas shouted.

Perry took a step back. Phineas was _scary_ when he was angry.

"You know what? Take that stupid job! You'd be in charge of everything and you can make all the stupid jokes you want. At least I could TELL people my pet's a General instead of sneaking around! My pet does the coolest thing in the whole world and NO ONE KNOWS AND I HATE IT!"

Perry swallowed. "Phin…"

"Go AWAY! I don't want to talk to you! And if you run into your FAVORITE, Ferb, tell him our fish is named BLUBBLES!"

Perry quickly left the room.

* * *

"I made a giant bowl of ice cream!" Larry said.

"I'm not hungry."

Larry sat down next to Perry and mashed the ice cream thoughtfully with a spoon. "Not even for doubly-chocolatey caramel awesomeness?"

"No." Perry said.

"Ya know what I've noiticed 'bout you?" His twin said. "Ya always say ya aren't hungry when you're upset. Whadja have for breakfast?"

"Nothing."

"Den eat!"

"I had a big lunch."

"Whadja eat for lunch?"

"Larry!"

"Okay, okay." Larry sighed. "I just hate seein' ya like dis. Gettin' all woiked up over your owner. Sounds like da anger talkin', if ya ask me. He was in a fight. He didn't mean any of dat, what he said to ya."

"If he really wants me to take the job, I mean, I should." Perry said. "I didn't take it in the first place because I took him into account."

"What about Ferbsy?"

"I didn't ask him." Perry said. "But he seemed pretty cranky too. I think I've just been messing those two up. I haven't been a good pet to them."

"Shut dat trap of yours. You're talkin' crazy. You know what we do to people who talk crazy? We feed dem ice cream."

"I told you, I don't want any!"

"Right. Because you aren't hungry. Listen, lil' bro. Your owners love ya. Dey don't wantcha to take dat job. And neidder do I, ta be honest. Ya love your woik. You tell me dat all da time."

"I don't want to talk, Larry. I just need a nap." Perry lay himself across the couch and closed his eyes.

"Shoire, take up da whole sofa. I don' need any room." Larry said sarcastically.

Perry mumbled a response and rolled onto his belly.

He felt Larry put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's gonna be okay, little bro." Larry said. "You'll figure dis out."

* * *

"I can't believe this." Monogram said. "It seems like just yesterday you were a cold, hungry stray, looking for a home…"

Perry stood next to him and looked at the ground. Two pigs he didn't know were loading his things into a van.

"It doesn't seem that long ago, does it, Carl?"

"No, it doesn't, sir."

"I know. As if just yesterday, he was toddling around the agency, chewing up papers… as if we had just trained him to walk and use the litterbox…"

"That's enough remembering." Perry chattered.

"Perry, I am SO proud of you." Monogram said.

Perry squinted. Was Monogram actually crying?

He supposed the huge change was throwing everyone out of whack. Doofenshmirtz hadn't taken the news very well and had ushered him out of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated with hardly a goodbye. And Perry himself was feeling strange. For some reason his mind wanted to remind him of every single happy moment he'd had working as a field agent.

"I always knew you would grow up to do great things." Monogram said.

The pigs closed the trunk, and Monogram gave Perry a salute. "Go on now."

Perry saluted him back.

"Oh, what the heck." Monogram grabbed him up in a hug. Perry returned it.

"You'll do great." Monogram said tearfully.

* * *

Perry should have been impressed with the giant mansion he was to live in, but his mood was blocking everything out.

When the car arrived, a greyhound rushed out of the mansion's golden double doors to greet them. He opened Perry's door and saluted him. "General Platypus. Welcome."

"Hi." Perry said, returning the salute.

"I am Gordon. Would you like me to take your bags in?"

"There are a lot of them."

"No matter." Gordon turned back to the mansion and barked. Six cats came outside and started unloading the car.

"Would you like a tour of the house?" Gordon asked.

"A tour, a map, whatever." Perry said. "Looks like I'd get lost either way."

"It's actually quite easy to get around in." Gordon said. "Follow me."

* * *

"And this is the dining room." Gordon said, leading Perry into a gigantic, elaborately decorated room. "We will serve whatever you please, of course. Just say the word when you're hungry. I hope you don't mind, the servants eat at this table after their work is over."

"I don't mind at all. That table's big enough for a bunny's family."

"That does conclude the tour." Gordon said. "All forty-seven rooms are accounted for. You've found your own room pleasant enough?"

"Yeah, it's like a house. That's definitely enough breathing room."

"You didn't seem happy with it."

"I know… it's just… I've had a long day, is all."

"Of course." Gordon nodded. "Understandable. It's a lot to take in."

"Um… can you remind me where my room is?"

Gordon nodded. He took him out of the kitchen and up a giant velvet staircase. He pointed to a large door down the hall.

"Would you like me to wake you at a certain time in the morning?"

"No. I'll wake up when I wake up. Thanks though."

"What would you like for breakfast?"

"I dunno. What's your favorite breakfast?"

Gordon looked a little surprised by the question. "Well, I do recommend the French Toast. Your cook makes excellent French Toast."

"I'll have that, then. Thanks." Perry went into his room and closed the door. He flopped down on his giant bed, exhausted.

Gordon was right. It was a lot to take in.


	6. Chapter 6

"Sir?"

Perry growled and pulled the covers over his head.

"Sir, I'm so sorry to bother you, but it's nine o'clock."

"Sleep." Perry said to the pillow.

Gordon didn't leave. "Sir, you have a meeting with the head of the security agents in thirty minutes."

"No."

Perry heard Gordon leave the room. He cuddled the pillow and slowly began to doze off.

Why had Gordon woken him up, anyway? He'd been in the middle of a wonderful dream. He was back home, eating a giant mountain of worms, and Carlos the caring clown had spontaneously combusted.

Besides, he was still tired. Yesterday he had met with three agents complaining about stupid things like the O.W.C.A wall colors and food selections.

And today he had to meet with Ernest about something.

Perry was suddenly awake. _The meeting with Ernest_.

He jumped up and ran to the kitchen. Gordon already had coffee waiting for him.

"Why didn't you wake me up?!" Perry demanded.

"Many apologies, sir, but I did try."

"No, I mean WAKE me up! I don't hear anything you say when I'm tired! You gotta shake me into consciousness!"

"I didn't want to cause you any physical discomfort, sir. I apologize."

"It's not your fault… oh dang. What time is it?"

"Ten."

"Where's Ernest?"

"Agent E is in the parlor. Second room to the left of the kitchen."

"Agggh. I didn't even shower… or shave…"

"I could get someone to attend to your guest while you wash up."

"No, I'll be right there." Perry downed his coffee and scrambled into the parlor. Ernest was looking at a huge painting of General Autograph.

"Sorry… I'm late." Perry panted.

Ernest quickly saluted. "No concern, General Platypus. I have no trouble waiting." He scrutinized Perry.

"Sleepwalk Friday." Perry joked. "Show up to meetings looking like you've just gotten out of bed."

"I'll make a note of that, sir." Ernest said.

Perry stared at him. Ernest had taken the joke seriously.

Perry scratched his face. "Um… so what did you wanna talk to me about?"

"Well, if it's not too much trouble… erm… sir…" Perry could see Ernest was having a very hard time treating him as authority. "…The security agents are worried about their salaries."

"Why?" Perry was actually enjoying this. It was nice to have Ernest be the nervous one for a change.

"Last month they cut our salary down, sir."

"Kay. I'll raise it again."

Ernest looked confused.

"Were you expecting a fight out of me or something?" Perry asked.

Ernest stiffened. "No, not at all, sir. I've always known you to be quite an… open individual."

Perry smiled. "Cool. So, I'll raise that back up. We good? Or was there something else? Do you hate the wall color, too?"

"Oh, no, sir. It's fabulous. Unless you don't like it and want to paint over it. In that case, I wholeheartedly agree."

"So… nothing else, then?"

"No, sir. Thank you very much for meeting with me."

"No prob. Sorry I overslept."

"Impossible. You were right on time."

Ernest was spewing so much nice out, Perry was afraid his head really would fall off.

"Kay then. See ya."

Ernest saluted. "Thank you, sir."

* * *

Perry sat down in his armchair and called Pinky.

"General Platypus." Pinky said.

"Please, Pinky, I beg of you. Talk to me like normal. I'm so sick of all this 'sir' and 'general'."

"Um… okay. How are you doing?"

"Well, I'm a little weirded out. Ernest came in here and was Mr. Kiss-up."

"That's because you have ultimate power over him now."

"Still! I showed up to our meeting an hour late with messy fur and a face full of stubble. And he didn't say a word!"

"Well, now he's your employee and you're his boss. He's way below your level now, and he has to respect you."

"Silly flittering eagle."

"Eagles don't flitter."

"They do when I'm on a sugar rush."  
"Well, strangeness aside, do you like the job?"

"I don't know." Perry sighed. "I'm suffering from a whole load of homesickness right now. I wonder what Doofenshmirtz is plotting today…"  
"Nuh-uh. Don't go there. Come on, Perry. You've got to be happy. There's got to be at least one good thing about this job."

"Being in charge of Ernest for once."

"Good one!"

"And the cook DOES make good French toast."

"You have a cook?"

"Uh… yeah. How's the agency doing?"

"Same as always. Peter and Carrie had a dance fight today."

"Did you… um… happen to see Phineas and Ferb?"

"At the agency? No."

"Come on, Pinky. You know what I mean."

"They were in the backyard."

"Doing what?"

"Building something."

"Good. I'm glad they're happy."

* * *

_Perry bounded into the agency, shaking sweat from his pelt._

_Monogram turned. He frowned when he saw Perry. "Agent P, I was worried. I told you to come back in an hour ago. You could have gotten heatstroke."_

_Perry splayed out on the floor, trying to cool off his belly._

_Monogram bent down and inspected him. "You didn't follow my orders."_

_Perry gave him an impish grin._

_Monogram pushed a section of fur apart to look at his skin. "Cheese and crackers, Agent P. You're sunburned."_

_Perry crawled into Monogram's lap and purred._

_Monogram sighed. "We'd better get some aloe vera on that, or it's going to really sting later. Why don't you listen to me?"_

_Perry buried his head under Monogram's hand, trying to get him to pet him._

_"Let's get you cooled off. Come on." Monogram picked Perry up and carried him into another room._

_Then Monogram started ringing._

Perry grabbed his phone. He made a mental note to turn off the ringer at night.

"What?" He snapped.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Poppy asked.

"Yes."

"I'm so sorry! I'll call you later…"

"No, I'm awake now. What did you want?"

"Well, it's not important, just kind of funny. Peppily was missing you this morning. You know how we animals always feel better when we can get hold of something with the scent of someone we miss on it?"

"Yeah." Perry said. He doubted Phineas or Ferb would send him one of their old shirts, but he really wanted one right now.

"Peppily dug through the hamper and was walking around with a pair of underwear you must have left here at some point. He wouldn't let go of them."

"Wait… what?" Perry didn't know whether to burst into laughter or melt from embarrassment.

"I tried to take them from him so I could wash them. He had an iron grip. But then Palmer managed to coax him into giving them to him."

"Uh… which pair?"

"The neon green ones."

"Did Palmer give them to you?"

"…One moment." Poppy said.

Perry heard her calling Palmer. Then there was some silence.

"PALMER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Pirate ship!" Palmer's voice said faintly.

Perry groaned. "Please tell me he didn't use…"

"It's the flag." Poppy said quietly.

"Well, send them back to me! It's embarrassing! I didn't even mean to leave them there."

"PAWMEW!" Paisley shouted in the background. "WHEWE DID YOU GET DAT COOL FWAG?"

"IT'S DADDY'S UNDERPANTS!" Palmer called back.

"Pops." Perry was glad no one was around to see him at the moment. He was probably six different shades of red. "Get them back."

"NO! MOMMY THAT'S MY FLAG!" Palmer shouted.

"Why are the kids building pirate ships at eleven o'clock at night?" Perry asked.

He didn't get an answer. "You can use another piece of material!" Poppy said to Palmer. "We don't want the neighbors seeing that."

"NO!" Perry heard Peppily yell. "I WANT IT BACK! IT REMINDS ME OF DADDY!"

"…Thanks." Perry said.

"Not a problem. I'll mail them to you."

"You're going to have a total stranger deliver me my underwear?"

"They'll be in a box."

"Whatever. Thank you for informing me. I was looking for that pair for a while." Perry hung up.

He lay awake for a while. He'd been five months old in that dream he'd just had. It actually was more of a memory than it was a dream.

He suddenly missed Monogram.

"Sir?" Gordon peeked into the room. "I heard you talking. Is everything all right?"

"I…" Perry sighed. "I'm just having trouble settling in."

"Can I get you anything? Do you need more pillows?"

"Yeah. Seventeen aren't enough."

"I'll go get some more."

"I was being sarcastic."

"I see." Gordon said. "Are you having trouble sleeping?"

"Kinda."

"Want me to get the cook to fix you a glass of warm milk?"

"Okay."

Gordon left, and Perry remained awake. He thought hard about the boys.

He remembered the promise he had made to himself a long time ago, right after Terrence the turkey had died.

_I will become the best agent the agency has ever known. Growing fond of things is stupid. I won't like Doofenshmirtz. I won't talk to the other agents. I won't even talk to Carl unless I have to._

_The only thing that is more important than the O.W.C.A is my family. I will only love them. No one else needs my friendship._

_No one else matters._

Perry closed his eyes for a moment.

If the boys didn't need him anymore, what was he doing pining away? He had a job to do.

He didn't need painful memories or fond ones to make him wish things were different. He was in charge now. His job was to run the agency.

The boys were fine.

Perry felt a familiar seriousness crawl into his heart. He got into a more comfortable position and waited for Gordon to return.


	7. Chapter 7

Peter had the very annoying habit of repeatedly spinning a quarter around on a table. It was starting to get on Perry's nerves.

"So, yeah, I need to get my paycheck by next week." Peter said.

"Is this just for your convenience?" Perry asked.

His stare didn't faze Peter, who kept merrily twirling his quarter. "Not really. Kind of. I'm trying to get out of debt. I borrowed Kyle the kangaroo's car to get to the Save The Pandas concert fundraiser, and I crashed it."

"So you need money to pay off Kyle immediately." Perry deduced.

"No, I already paid him off. I need to pay off the rental car company. I had to rent a car since Kyle's wasn't available anymore and I crashed the van they gave me."

Perry rubbed his forehead.

"Come on, Per. Like you haven't crashed a car before. Besides, it was for a good cause. SAVE THE PANDAS!"

"What happened to your last check?"

"I paid Kyle with it. They say I have to have the money in by Tuesday."

Perry placed a folder on his desk and pushed it toward Peter. "This says you got a bonus check last week."

"Does it? That's weird."

"So, did you crash a third car? Is that why you have no money to pay the rental car company?"

"I don't have the bonus check money anymore." Peter said, giving his quarter a spin with extra flourish.

"What happened to it?"

"Gambled it. I still have two dollars left, though. I didn't lose it all."

"You. Gambled. Your bonus check. What were you THINKING?"

"I was thinking I'd get even more. I'm good at cards. But I ran into this guy who totally wiped me out. I'm telling you, if I had put down that four of clubs instead of that six, I'd be rolling in cash right now."

"You can have your check early. One condition."

"Condition?"

"Quit gambling. If something like this happens again, I'm not gonna help you. Better to be safe than sorry."

"What? How am I gonna play cards?"

"Ever heard of solitaire? I play it all the time. Doesn't cost me a cent."

"To buy cards, it does." Peter said. He had finally stopped twirling his quarter. "Come on. I make money, I don't lose it. This was just an accident."

"Fine. Then get your check at the normal time. I'll loan you the money to pay off the rental car company, and YOU earn money to pay ME off. Then I let you off the hook, and you be more careful when driving and playing cards!"

"What? That's stupid! That's putting me in debt by paying off my debt!"

"What, you don't like borrowing borrowed money?"

Peter stared at him.

Perry sighed. "When do you want the check?"

"Anytime soon's good."

"Tomorrow I'll send it."

"Thanks!" Peter hopped down from his chair, taking his quarter with him. He paused before leaving and looked back forlornly, saying nothing.

"You can still gamble." Perry grumbled.

"YEAY!" Peter cheered. He hopped out of Perry's office.

* * *

"I'm telling you. He almost didn't give it to me." Peter said.

"Really?" Pinky asked. "Maybe he was in a bad mood."

"You know how Perry's got two sides to him?" Peter asked. "There's the serious and grouchy side we knew for years, and then there's the joking, happy and sometimes sarcastic side we just got to know."

Pinky had to nod.

"Well, he's back to serious and grouchy."

"Why?" Darren asked. "You're sure he wasn't just in a bad mood?"

"If he was in a bad mood, he wouldn't have given me the check." Peter said.

"True." Darren agreed. "You probably would have come back with a black eye."

"Do you think he knows I've been assigned to Doofenshmirtz?" Peter whispered.

"Maybe that's it." Pinky said. "I mean, I talked to him a couple of days ago and he seemed perfectly normal."

"And now he's gonna resent me again." Peter said.

"It's probably just hard for him to be in charge all of a sudden." Pinky said.

"I feel sorry for him, all the same." Darren said. "I heard what happened."

"Something happened?" Pinky asked. "What?"

"Well, Perry and Phineas got into a huge fight over something-or-other. Apparently Perry's feelings were hurt and he ran off on the two of them."

"He just left them? Without saying goodbye?"

Darren nodded. "He took the job."

"That explains some things." Pinky said.

They sat for a moment.

* * *

Perry fiddled with the memory raygun he had found in his desk drawer. It was a strange device, and he felt as though he had seen it before.

"You probably got zapped with it and forgot." He said to himself.

Gordon entered the room. "Sir, terribly sorry to interrupt, but I must inform you…" He stopped and stared.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to zap you." Perry said. He stuck the ray in his pocket. "You needed to tell me something?"

"You have a wedding invitation."

"Seriously? Ferdinand got married last weekend."

"The invitation does not state that Ferdinand is being married."

Perry opened the invitation and looked at it. "Nope, Pluto and Poppyseed are getting married. Wow."

"Unique names." Gordon said.

"Poppyseed's a new one to me." Perry admitted. He put the invitation aside.

He didn't know what to feel. He didn't have any feelings for Poppy, and he liked Toto all right, so why did the fact that they were getting married bother him? Poppy needed the support, if anything, he should feel happy for her...

"Are you attending, or shall I send them your regrets?"

"I don't know." Perry shrugged. "I'm going to have to think about it." He stood up.

"Where are you heading, sir?"

"To the kitchen. To toast a bagel."

"I can have the cook toast you a bagel."

"Why should she take time out of her day to stick a bagel in the toaster just because I'm feeling a little peckish?"

"Sir, you don't need to get up."

"I've been sitting down all day."

"Just relax. We take care of everything for you."

Perry sat down. "Fine. Make it an egg bagel, lightly toasted. And tell her to be generous with the cream cheese."

Gordon hesitated.

"Something wrong?" Perry asked.

"Pardon me, sir, but you asked me this morning to help you keep your diet healthy."

"I lied."

"Perhaps a whole wheat bagel? Low fat?"

"Those things taste like dirt."  
"Sir, I wouldn't be pushing against your orders, but you did specifically ask me…"

"I didn't think you were actually going to listen. Egg bagel, please?"

Gordon sighed. "As you wish, sir."

* * *

"Daddy!" Pamela said. She ran to hug Perry's leg. "I will never never never let you go, not ever ever ever."

"Okay." Perry hobbled into the house. "Is Toto here? Or is Pops here?"

"Hey, Perry!" Toto said, coming out of the kitchen. "Need some help?"

"Help would be nice." Perry said, trying to shake Pamela off.

"C'mon, Pamsy. Let him walk." Toto tugged on Pamela.

"No. I am never letting him go. Not ever."

"Congrats." Perry said.

Toto looked confused for a moment. Then he smiled. "Oh, right! Thanks. Do you think you'll be able to make it to the wedding? Unless… we don't want it to be awkward for you."

"I'll be there." Perry said. "Besides, nothing's as awkward as having a baby platypus hanging onto your leg in a death grip."

"Good." Toto said. "That you're coming, I mean. Poppy and I were hoping you would."

"DADDY!"

"And so was Palmer." Toto added.

Palmer leapt down the stairs and nearly knocked Perry over in a hug.

"You're strange. Some days it's 'Why are you here', others it's 'I MISSED YOU'." Perry said.

Palmer didn't seem to care. "Guess what? I flushed the bedsheets down the toilet."

"That would explain the waterfall down the stairs." Perry said.

"I'll take care of it." Toto ran upstairs, trying to work against the pouring water. Baby Peppily floated merrily down the stairs.

"You guys have a lot of water-related incidents, don't you?" Perry asked.

"Water's fun." Palmer said. "Hey look, there's the bedsheet. Coming down the stairs."

"Whee!" Peppily said. He floated into the living room and out of sight.

"PEPPILY! I SHALL SAVE YOU!" Pamela let go of Perry and pursued her brother.

Palmer looked around as if to make sure everyone was really gone. Then he looked up at Perry.

"Daddy, please don't let Toto marry mommy."

"Why not?" Perry asked, surprised. "Don't you like him?"

"He's nice." Palmer said. "But… I don't want him to be my daddy. I want you to be my daddy."

Perry felt significantly better hearing this.

"I always will be, Pal. Toto's not your father. He'll just be Toto. He'll only be your daddy if you want him to be."

"No. You're my dad. And he's all wrong, anyway." Palmer said. "I mean, he's not that good a match for mom. Like you are. You're perfect for her."

"Pal…" Perry groaned. "Don't start going in that direction."

"Why can't I?" Palmer demanded. "You're my daddy and she's my mommy."

"Hey, it might seem like a good idea at first. But I don't like being in relationships. Too much risk. Besides, we don't even have a connection. Did I ever tell you about Prince?"

Palmer gave him a confused look.

Perry sighed. "Of course not. Forget I said anything."

"Who's Prince? Who is he? What about him?" Palmer asked.

"She." Perry corrected. "She was a platypus who lived with a group of strays in an alley. I forget what their group name was, but they were the kind of troublemakers you didn't want to mess with. I met her when I was three years old. She was spray-painting a wall. Anytime we saw each other, we fought. Good against evil, you know? She was the kind who streaked her fur with neon colors and vandalized trashcans and buildings and stuff like that- don't get any ideas. Anyway, we had similar personalities, and eventually a kind of friendship came. And then, we secretly dated. We always had a kind of hate for each other, but… we had a connection. It's not something you find in everyone."

"What happened?" Palmer asked. He hadn't shown any reaction to Perry's story so far, save for a sort of excitement when Perry had gotten to the vandalism part.

"She left me." Perry said. "Broke it off. Said she was sick of all of it."

"Oh." Palmer looked at the ground. "Did it make you sad?"

"I was heartbroken. And it took me a long time to get over it. I hate her now, but it still was hard on me."

"Mommy wouldn't break up with you." Palmer said.

"Of course she wouldn't." Perry said. "But I think she and Toto have a good relationship. And… even so. I can't get attached to people anymore. I just wind up getting hurt. I always wind up hurt."

"I just wish you could be with us more." Palmer said dejectedly.

"I wouldn't be around as much anyway." Perry said. "I'm a general now." He stared hard at Palmer. "Don't tell ANYONE about Prince, okay? No one. No one knows besides me, you, and my late friend Terrence. And no one else has to know, kay?"

Palmer nodded, wide-eyed. Then he ran down the hall. "PAMELA! DADDY DATED A JUVENILE DELINK-WHATEVER!"

Perry sighed.


	8. Chapter 8

"I was concerned about you, sir." Gordon said, opening the front door.

"Sorry. I didn't think I had to let you know I was going for a walk." Perry was glad to get inside. It was rainy and cold outdoors.

Then again, it was still pretty cold inside. Perry shivered.

"Towel!" Gordon called.

"No, no, it's fine!" Perry said. "You don't have to…"

Three servants brought towels. One had a blow-dryer.

"You didn't catch cold, did you, sir?" Gordon inquired. "Do you need me to call the doctor?"

"I'm fine, I was only in the rain for two seconds." Perry took a red towel from one of the servants and dried off.

"All the same, you had better get yourself cleaned off and in bed, sir." Gordon advised. "I'll have someone run the shower for you."

"Thanks, mom." Perry said under his breath.

"Is there anything you need in the meantime, sir? A glass of water? Or some hot food? Would you like another towel?"

"Gordon, I'm FINE!" Perry snapped. "I don't need something every two seconds!"

"If your needs are not met, then I am not doing my job, sir." Gordon said.

"My needs are OVER met, Gordon. I don't need seven dishes of spaghetti when I say I'm hungry, I don't need twelve blankets when I say I'm cold, I don't need five masseuses when I say my back hurts and I don't need thirty towels when I'm wet!"

"Are you feeling stressed, sir?" Gordon said.

"DON'T say I need fifteen human domino teachers."

"Pardon, sir?"

"Nothing. Inside joke. I'm sorry. I'm just a little cranky tonight."

Gordon looked concerned. He said nothing, but Perry easily read his expression.

"I might… need some hot cocoa."

"Coming as soon as possible, General." Gordon left.

* * *

Perry hated staying up late, but signing checks for every single agent was something he wanted to get out of the way. At least he could sleep in the next morning.

He was sick of writing his name by the time he was halfway done. He wondered if anyone would notice if he signed it "Pinhead Pierre" or "Ducky Momo".

Probably.

Gordon knocked on the door.

"Busy." Perry shouted.

"Sir, terribly sorry to disturb you, but you have a call. They insisted on speaking to you."

"Stupid people. I'm cranky when I'm tired, and it's nearly midnight. Tell them I can't speak to them right now."

He heard Gordon go downstairs. A few minutes later, Gordon knocked on the door again.

"So sorry, sir. They are refusing to hang up. They sound upset. Should I tell them…?"

"Who are they? The Flittering Eagle and his sister Ellen? Or is it Peter? Did he crash a bus this time?"

"Two children."

Perry felt a fist close around his heart. He swallowed.

"Sir? Are you still awake?"

"Give me the phone." Perry said quietly.

He turned to face the wall, his hands shaking. What did they want, all of a sudden?

"Of course, sir." Gordon entered the room and handed him a phone.

"Perry?"

Perry felt his eyes water. He'd missed that voice calling his name. "What do you want?"

"Perry, we were scared." Phineas said. "We didn't know where you were."

"I took the job. Where else would I be?"

"We thought you didn't want to take it!"

"I didn't."

Phineas sounded on the verge of tears. "I didn't want you to go. I was mad at Ferb, and I turned it all on you. I didn't mean anything I said."

"You meant a lot of what you said."

"N-no!" Phineas choked. "I didn't want you to take the job! And I didn't mean anything I said about Ferb or you… I like us having a secret!"

"I thought you wanted me to go," Perry was about ready to cry himself. "So I did."

Phineas burst into tears. "I DIDN'T! I-just-want-you-to-come-hooome!"

Perry's voice wobbled. "Please don't cry."

Gordon entered, followed by several servants each carrying a box of tissues.

Perry motioned for them to leave.

"Phinny, stop. I can't understand you."

Phineas was blubbering out nonsense. All Perry could really make out were "Teddy bear" and "Triceratops".

"Phinny, let Ferb talk. I can't understand you."

"Come home." Ferb said.

Perry felt a tear come free and slide down his cheek. "I wish I could."

"Find a way." Ferb said.

* * *

"MOMMIWY! A STRANGEWLY IS TAWKING TO ME!" Paisley shouted.

"Paisley, shush." Perry said. "It's me."

Paisley squinted. "No, it's nowt. You wook stwangely."

"It's probably my glasses. I lost my contacts this morning."

"Hee hee. Daddy is a nerdie."

"I know, I know. They look stupid. But it's not like they weren't the only ones. They didn't make any cool ones for my prescription."

"Nerditty nerd." Paisley said.

Perry sighed.

"Psst!" The tablecloth said.

Perry yanked it up and kneeled down. Palmer was lying on the floor under a food table.

"You gotta help me!"

"Did you split your pants or something?"

"No." Palmer said with disgust. "You gotta help me sabotage the wedding! Before it starts!"

"Pal!" Perry hissed. "Don't you dare do ANY-"

"Distract some guests and I'll do the rest!" Palmer said.

"Palmer, I am NOT-"

"Here, say you lost your glasses." Palmer took Perry's glasses and vanished under the table.

"Palmer!" Perry whispered. "Get back here!"

He stood up and hit his head on the side of the table. Something grabbed onto his leg.

Perry tilted his head back to try and see. "Pam?"

"No, I'm Peppiwy."

"NO!" Said Paisley, who Perry could see clearly a few feet away. "That's Paiswey! I'm Peppiwy!"

"Listen, guys, can you get my glasses back from Palmer? I can't actually see that well in front of me."

"A missionie!" Paisley said. "Supew Paiswey and Supew Peppiwy to the wescue!"

"Why do you get to be fiwstily?"

"Because I maded the game up!"

"No you didn't! I maded it up!"

"Guys, please." Perry said.

He felt Peppily let go of his leg and watched them run off. Someone tapped on him.

Perry tried to distinguish the tapper's face, but it was hopeless. All he could see were smudges of teal and orange.

"Hello, Jonathan. Did I ever tell you about the time I ate a marshmallow?" Grandpa Pepper asked.

"Oh. It's you." Perry said. "Are you giving Pops away?"

"Well, it was a bright, sunny day just like this one, and there were fluffy cotton-ball clouds and green grass…"

"Pepper, you've told me this story at least eighty times. And my name is PERRY."

"Of course, Samuel."

"Daddy! I founded your gwasses! Now you can be a nerdie again!"

"Thanks." Perry took his glasses from Peppily and put them back on.

"…Well, the day was sunny." Grandpa Pepper said to a statue that was next to him. "And there were many green-grass trees and cotton-candy clouds…"

A thin platypus approached Perry and shook his hand. "Hello, I don't believe we've met."

"Gosh, Toto. Either you're as blind as I am or as senile as Grandpa Pepper."

Toto looked embarrassed. "Perry? Wow, I almost didn't recognize you."

"Yeah, I'm in a tux."

Toto smiled politely.

"And usually I wear contacts."

"That's it. I'm glad you made it."

"I see Poppy's father is here. Are your parents?"  
Toto frowned. "Have you ever met my friend Loris? Of course not. He's here, if you want to meet him."

"Sorry. I didn't know that would be a 'no' question."

"It's fine." Toto said. "You really should meet Loris, though. Come on."

Toto led him over to a loris who was pigging out on cream puffs. Loris wasn't very big, but he had a lot of muscles. Every time he stabbed a cream puff, the fork just about went through the plate.

"Loris, this is Perry." Toto said. "Perry, this is Loris."  
Perry held out his hand. Loris shook it. It was a miracle Perry's arm stayed intact. His hand was still tingling after Loris pulled away.

"Pleased to meet you." Loris said.

"He's the father of Poppy's children." Toto said.

Loris laughed. "Those crazy pups. They're unbelieveable."  
As if on cue, a giant tractor crashed into the side of the building. Animals screamed and ran for cover.

Palmer was at the wheel.

"PALMER!" Poppy shouted from somewhere in the room. "GET OUT OF THERE!"

"Where's the brake pedal again?" Palmer asked.

"Twactor!" Paisley said happily.

"DON'T WORRY, STEPHANIE!" Grandpa Pepper shouted, pushing Paisley out of the way. "I WILL PROTECT YOU FROM THE GIANT RAISIN!"

It was the first marshmallow-free sentence that Perry had ever heard Grandpa Pepper speak.

Grandpa Pepper grabbed a spoon and threw it at the tractor. It bounced off harmlessly.

But the tractor stopped, finally getting stuck on one of the dessert tables.

Grandpa Pepper looked very pleased with himself.

* * *

The rest of the wedding went pretty well. Paisley and Peppily had been very happy to throw rice at the new couple. Unfortunately they used leftover Chinese food instead of dried rice.

Toto and Poppy had asked Perry to celebrate with them at a restaurant, but he had declined and went back home to the mansion.

"Sir?"

Perry looked up from his spot on the couch. He had surrounded himself with cartons of ice cream.

He paused the romantic soap opera that had been playing on the high-def TV.

"Do you have everything you need?"

"I guess."

"I'll be turning in then, sir. Don't hesitate to call me if you need anything else."

Gordon started to close the door.

"Gordon?"

Gordon stopped. "Yes, sir?"

"What would happen if I wanted to quit?"

"I suppose the former General would have to return until he could find another replacement, if you neglect to. Are you sure there isn't anything I can get you?"

_Yes. I want my old job back. I hate this one. And more than anything, I want to be home._

"I need some more ice cream. And don't lecture me about my diet." Perry said.

Gordon left without another word.

Perry pressed play and watched Pheobe and Alexander yell about how much they hated and loved each other.


	9. Chapter 9

"Well, gosh darnit, Bobby Jane, they done taken them hash browns off the menu."

"That just ain't right, Johnny Sue, that just ain't right. Them there hash browns are the gosh darndest best things on that darn menu if there ever was a darndest best thing to be on that there menu."

Perry heard the voices the instant he entered Danville Diner.

He tried to sneak in unnoticed, but failed.

"Well, looky there, Bobby Jane, isn't that there that platypus whose life we saved a while ago, back when hash browns were on the menu and the air was fine?" A beaver said, looking up from his menu.

"Indeed it is, Johnny Sue." The beaver sitting across from him said. "Indeed it is. We done saved his life if ever a life needed savin'."

"Indeed we did, Bobby Jane. Indeed we did."

"Hey… guys." Perry said. "I didn't know you ate here."

"Well, of course we eat here!" Bobby Jane said, slapping his knee. "This here is the best darndest diner in all of Danville if there ever was one."

"But then they took them hash browns off the menu." Johnny Sue informed Perry.

"Oh. That's a shame."

"You oughta dine with us, cousin." Bobby Jane said.

"Um…" Perry wished the beavers would stop referring to him as a cousin. Sure, they had similar tails, but other than that, there wasn't much.

He tried to think of an excuse to find another table.

* * *

Ten seconds later, Perry was sitting in between Bobby Jane and Johnny Sue, trying to block out their conversation.

He had been thinking about tennis balls when Johnny Sue tapped him on the shoulder. "You ever heard of Billy Ann?"

"Um… I know a lot of Billys. There's Billy the beaver, my brother Little Billy…"

"Not Billy, cousin. Billy Ann. Billy Ann done live out in Danville Park. He's a right good ol' beaver if there ever was one. You ever heard of him?"

"Well… no."

"Well, gosh a darn-o-rella. Bobby Jane, you done know Billy Ann?"

"Indeed I do, Johnny Sue. He's a right good ol' beaver. I remember one sunset evenin' he went out and built himself the biggest darn dam you ever saw. Made outta the finest oak sticks you ever done saw."

"Gosh darnit, I remember that there dam. It was the biggest darn dam if there ever was one."

Perry tried not to laugh at how strange "darn dam" sounded.

"Gosh darnit, Bobby Jane, you done spill the O.J. all over my brand-new old blue jeans."

"Oh, I'm right sorry, Johnny Sue. You done know I am, sure as the sun rises into the big blue sky."

"Aw, heck. I done know it, Bobby Jane. I'm right sorry I yelled at ya like that."

"That's all right and fine, Johnny Sue."

"Guys, it's been… interesting chatting with you, but I really gotta go." Perry said.

"Well, dang-o-rella. Just when we were gettin' to know each other like old friends down in there countryside, sittin' on wooden stools watchin' that there sun set." Johnny Sue said.

"That's a right shame. I reckon we'll be seein' ya again soon?" Bobby Jane asked. "Sure as the cornfields in the west?"

"I reckon- ack! I'm SURE you will." Perry hoped his brain hadn't switched itself to the talk of Bobby Jane and Johnny Sue. "Uh… bye." He stood up. He'd find another restaurant. Hopefully one without cowboy-brained beavers.

"Fair travels, old friend." Bobby Jane said.

"Here's hopin' you done follow your heart in life." Johnny Sue said.

"Yeah. Okay." Perry left the table.

* * *

Perry hadn't expected to actually take Johnny Sue's hope to heart.

Yet here he stood, in the pouring rain, on the familiar cement doorstep. For some reason, at night, and after so long, it didn't look very familiar at all.

Perry swallowed, as if it could wash away his worry and sadness.

Then he scraped a muddy, wet paw against the door.

When he didn't get a response, he repeated.

Linda cautiously opened the door and looked down. Then she smiled.

"Boys, someone's come to see you!"

Not wanting to make Linda suspicious, Perry tore into the house and shook himself off.

It was good to be home. He was still worried, but he felt secure, somehow.

"I don't want to come down." Phineas called.

"I think you'll be happy if you do." Linda said.

Phineas wearily tramped down the stairs. Ferb followed.

Perry choked back a sob of happiness. He had missed them so much.

Phineas's whole face seemed to light up when he saw Perry. He ran to him and squashed him in a hug.

Ferb did as well.

Perry allowed himself a few tears. He felt warm water slide down his head from the boys.

"He just showed up on the doorstep." Linda said. "Animals always know how to get back home. I told you two he wouldn't be lost forever."

"Don't ever go away again." Phineas sobbed.

"I'm not planning on it."

* * *

"Her name is Blubbles." Phineas said.

Ferb nodded in agreement.

"Good to see you guys got that worked out." Perry said, watching Blubbles swim in her bowl. "How, though?"

"Ferb told me I could name the fish whatever I wanted if it would make me happy again." Phineas said.

"Anything except for Benny or Jack." Ferb said.

"Not that I would have named her either of those." Phineas said with disgust.

Perry nodded. "No way."

"Those are boy names." Phineas continued. "She's a girl fish. Why would I give her a boy name?"

"You're so out of it sometimes." Perry said.

"What?" Phineas stared at both of them. "What did I say?"

Ferb just laughed.

"Perry, I was so scared you wouldn't come back." Phineas said quietly.

"I only stayed away because I thought you wanted me to." Perry said. "And… I was scared you didn't want me to come back."

"You're our pet." Phineas said. "You mean the world to us."

"I always wondered what my name meant. Wow. That was bad. That wasn't even corny bad. That was just bad-bad. Like, didn't even make sense in that context bad. I must have forgotten my sense of humor."

"You left it on the bus." Ferb said thoughtfully. "And now it's traveling to England, to meet my uncle."

"Maybe it'll find Doctor Big." Perry said. "He could give it a job."

"I have no idea what you guys are talking about." Phineas said.

"I don't either, actually." Ferb said.

* * *

"I only came to this restaurant once before." Perry said. "I was two. I got sick and threw up on the table after I finished eating."

"Monogram must have forgotten." Darren the duck said.

"I must say, Agent P," Monogram said, biting into his taco. "I was surprised that you quit the job. But not unhappy. You're one of the best agents in your field. It was hard without you."

"They put ice in my milk." Perry said sadly. "When it melts, I'm gonna have disgusting watery milk."

"Ooh, watery milk." Said Bernie the bear.

Peter was busy pulling all of the lettuce out of his burrito to eat separately. "I'm glad you came back."

"It was lonely without you at the agency." Pinky agreed.

"Pshaw. I couldn't have been missed. I don't do much."

Monogram raised his glass in a toast. "To your return as a field agent."

"Yeah, fine. I'll drink to that." Perry clanked his glass against Monogram's, accidentally spilling some of his milk into Monogram's water.

Monogram drank, and spit it out. "Ugh! Milky water!"

"Watery milk." Perry said. "Either way it's revolting."

It really was good to be back. Perry leaned back in his chair and happily chewed at his straw.


End file.
